Ok! My first post! Whew!
I often think about the craziness that is my every day life. I know everyone thinks they have a crazy life, and maybe that just means my life is really normal and I just
think I'm not. Two years ago, if you asked me if I thought I fit in most places I would have probably shrugged and given you a "mostly" type of answer. If you asked me that today, you'd get an "Um, HELL No."
I joined the military just over two years ago, which is where things started to change. When I enlisted and was trying to figure out what job I wanted to do, I saw myself in the medical field...no surprises: I already worked at a hospital and was good with patients. I wrote down every medical job they had to offer, and threw in a couple other jobs for good measure per the advice of my recruiter.
Let me preface the job selection by saying that before I went to tech school, I barely knew what a router was. I knew how to set one up if I had the trusty direction booklet, but that was about as far as my knowledge went. I could draw blood, change a bed with a three hundred and fifty pound man in it (try THAT one!), and make someone just out of surgery that entailed getting half their leg removed smile, but computers? Eh. Good for Facebook and Skype. What job did I get? Drum roll...Cyber Transport Systems. Oxymoron #1: Computer Illiterate Cyber Transport Systems Apprentice. Hmmph.
I then moved to Germany, where I was thrown into the "operational" world. I tried to learn my job while trying to learn everything else too...like where the hell I was going to meet new friends. As a female Airman, especially in my career field which is male dominated, things are kind of weird. You're female, but not a spouse. You're with the guys all day, but not "one of the guys." Also, being a 22 year old E-3 put me in the same age and maturity bracket as people I took orders from, with the rank of people that just came out of high school. Oh, and did I mention I was pregnant? That rules out barhopping with the shop on Friday night. Just when things couldn't require ANY more adjustment, I had my son, the greatest thing to ever happen to me, Benjamin.
Oxymoron #2 (even if some people might disagree with this): Active Duty Mom.
The first time I looked at my son I was suddenly filled with guilt. I know, odd reaction right? I had all the butterflies and crazy overwhelming feeling of love and all that stuff too, of course, but guilt. I knew that there was no way for me to be a stay at home mom. I knew he would be in daycare in just six short weeks, when he had barely learned anything about the world. I knew he would spend more of his waking hours in someone else's arms instead of mine. I knew I'd have to take shortcuts to get through the day. I knew I'd eventually have to deploy and that he'd have to go through months without his mom hugging him. It was rough. It's still rough. It was that day though, that I made myself and Benjamin a promise. I promised that he would never have less because of my job. That I would do everything I could to give him what he would have if I was at home with him all day. This blog is about that journey.
I am literally a walking oxymoron (hence the name). I cloth diaper, but hate that I can't use delicious smelling things when I wash those diapers. I make Benjamin's baby food, but eat DiGiorno's. I breastfeed, but I do it in uniform. I believe that coconut oil and breastmilk could solve most world problems, yet I work for a service that drops bombs out of airplanes...you see where I'm going with this? :)
I'm not sure exactly what this blog is going to be just yet. Some days it might be new information I found on the benefits of breastfeeding, or something wicked awesome about natural childbirth. Some days it might be a recipe, a money saving strategy, a way I'm working on getting my house as healthy as possible, or a Pinterest project (unlikely since most of mine go horrifically wrong). Some days it might be a stream of conscience about how much it sucks that I only saw my son awake for an hour that day, or about a new piece of equipment that I spent all day trying to figure out. Some days it might just be a cute picture of my kid. I don't know, but I promise I'll keep you confused.